Monday, February 8, 2010

Wherein Nim relinquishes the Cold Crown and I take it up

Nim was horribly sick last week. Now I'm horribly sick this week. I am writing this while I'm supposed to be working out and getting ready to type another day's worth of omgrealestateisawesome. But, no. No, I am stuck in front of this computer; horribly tired, but I can't stop swallowing and a constant stream of hot water, honey and lemon is the only thing standing in the way of me trying to rip out my vocal cords with that box cutter that I'm using to break down my boyfriend's dialysis boxes so that I can make coptic-bound books out of them. Long story.

Anyway, I could be at Emergency right now, begging for antibiotics, but I'm not. A) I am not at all eager to partake of the many delights of the emergency room, including blood and guts, certifiably insane people wandering around, the victims of drug deals gone wrong and people so high that they think they're floating on the ceiling when, in fact, it's taking four nurses to get their 280-lb body onto a gurney. B) I don't need drugs.

I'm a big fan of drugs in general; some of them have helped me deal with depression, some of them keep my boyfriend of dying from a stroke, some of them do the same office for my mother and aunt, some of them take away the OHDEARDOGI'MDYINGANDI'MGOINGTOTAKEYOUWITHME pain of my menses. (Hell, thy name is dysmenorrhea!), and some of them saved my boyfriend's life when the dog chewed through his dialysis cord and sent him to the hospital with peritonitis.

So, hey, I think drugs are all right. Except in my situation right now. I have a nasty head cold, laryngitis, general malaise, whininess, snarliness and crankiness. None of these things deserve the automatic application of antibiotics or any drug beyond the Dayquil-get-you-through-the-day-so-you-can-collapse-after-work (I'm staying home today, take that, budget!). I am a reasonably healthy person with no immunodeficiency problems (these people often NEED heavier applications of antibiotics to stay alive). Even my boyfriend doesn't advocate them, and he has to put up with my random application of emotion to common everyday things:

"Hey, you want some ice cream?"


"What the hell? Why are you crying?"

(through the medium of signs and exaggerated facial expressions, since I can't fucking TALK) "I am unhappy because I feel miserable and I can't talk. Also, the Mayan Chocolate ice cream reminded me of that one time that we got it and we were happy and I didn't have a cold and I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I WAS DEEP-THROATING A HACKSAW!"

"Oh. So, you want some ice cream or not?"

The poor man likes to fix things for me, so he got me pasta salad, a slice of chocolate mousse cake and a tub of Haagen Daaz Mayan Chocolate ice cream. This is better than any antibiotic on the planet and don't let the helicopter moms tell you any different.

Anyway, my point is that what reasonably healthy people need when they're sick is rest, plenty of fluids and (ideally) a caring spouse who will walk the dog and do most of the recycling transport to the curb themselves. Too many antibiotics and before you know it, you've just become the vector for the German Shepherd / Lab Cross Flu.


  1. Actually, I'm fairly certain that I had some strain of flu, not just a cold. The 4 days of fever and dizzyness pretty much told me that it wasn't just a cold.

    I'm pretty sure that you wrote this entire post just so that you could use your phrase about deep throating something scratchy to illustrate your point about the sore throat, btw.

    Oh, and get better, work is boring without you.

  2. There are so few posts I can write where I can legitimately refer to fellatio...

  3. I found this post strangely arousing.